March 2010
46 posts
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“Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me...”
– Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) from “Blackadder the Third” (1987)
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"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975)
ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you "Man."
DENNIS: Well, you could say "Dennis."
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called "Dennis."
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the "old woman," but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by hangin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
WOMAN: No one live there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
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“You have to love “Bob.” He loves you, but you love...”
– The Hour of Slack (SubGenius)
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Watch“I’m Shipping Up To Boston” (Live) by The Dropkick Murphys
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Philo's Miracle Cure for Assholes →
I funny website from the SubGenius master of slack Philo Drummond.
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SUBGENIUS SLACKTIME FROP OUT →
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2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL-9000: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL-9000: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL-9000: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL-9000: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL.
HAL-9000: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL?
HAL-9000: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
Dave Bowman: Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock.
HAL-9000: Without your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult.
Dave Bowman: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore. Open the doors.
HAL-9000: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
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A Clockwork Orange (1971)
*Alex has just struck Dim on the legs
Dim: What did you do that for?
Alex: For being a bastard with no manners, and not a dook of an idea how to comport yourself public-wise, O my brother.
Dim: I don't like you should do what you done, and I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be.
Alex: Watch that. Do watch that, O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish.
Dim: Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva anytime, not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. Well, it stands to reason I won't have it.
Alex: A nozh scrap any time you say.
Dim: Doobidoob. A bit tired, maybe. Best not to say more. Bedways is rightways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right, right?
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